Having been on the move for 80 plus days now, we have witnessed much. One of the subtle but fascinating things that is not touristy, is not something you would naturally go and see and hasn't been one of the magical stumble upons, is the wonder of the very balletic nature of the motorhome ballet dance. Our vehicle is 7.5 metres long with the bike rack on, one of the longer types, and having been used to driving some large agricultural vehicles in the past, I think I have moderate experience at driving something this large. Many an hour can be wasted watching the human element of the whole 'driving a motorhome' fail.
Let me explain further. I was just washing up and my attention was summoned by the familiar noise of an engine fan firing up to cool down said engine. You can usually gauge the quality of the driving from how long the fan seems to come on for and it's frequency. Anyhow, this van was trying to turn around in a space akin to a parallel park on a one way street. I'm not sure of the intention or the motive of such a move, but it was being done in such a ham fisted way that the fan was in full voice. The hedge behind it seemed to be getting some attention as I think it must have been planted in the wrong place. As per the norm, Mrs Motorhome got out of the huffing vehicle and continued to flap with enthusiasm in all the directions that the driver wasn't going. There was also a point where intervention was required as she decided to put her head between a tree and the van to monitor the narrowing gap. At this point, the vested neighbour of the new arrivals came to assist and wave in different directions with an air of authority. There are many of these types who will come to tell you how it should be done, and when the vehicle is not level.
After all is said and done, the engine can be retired for the night and base camp may officially by 'struck'. Usually 10 minutes after this momentous occasion, it is time to ignite the beast once again and shuffle, turn, pirouette, bow, etc into perfection.
Other failed moments include not knowing where your back wheels are when turning into a space, unawareness of branches, remembering the wing mirrors at any given point, stalling innumerable times, trying to get onto ramps with serious revvage, and a wealth of tortoise speed type movements.
We have turned this epic balletic production of many, into a 5 minute affair:
Minute 1: we arrive
Minute 2: we drive forwards into position
Minute 3: we turn the unfanned engine off
Minute 4: we plug the van in
Minute 5: beer and wine
As and when we have a moment and I have wrecked this vehicle, then please remind me of my mockings!
Ed
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